Ian 'Chippy' Collins reports:

Neither fighter made the weight at this one. One was bloated and the other malnourished. After some fierce genetic engineering we saw a fight from the golden age of running rugby. On a day when rugby was the winner the crowds still witnessed an inordinate amount of scratching and low punches in a fantastic surge of friendly fire.

One time rugby behemoth Tabard, not having not having the best of seasons, arrived a solid 10 and did the proud history of the club some serious credit. Turn up with 10 and rules say you get a game, such is the merit wisdom to allow even the slimmest of commitment to avoid the shops or whatever other Saturday purgatory preys on the non player.

The bloated heavyweight had to shed some ballast and Olly trimmed his army with four willing volunteers to squeeze into the very snug Tabard outfit. And so they did with little regard for the colour match. I’d don’t mind mauve squealed Neil, it matches my piles. The yellow clashes with me teeth northerned your scribe as Mas hunted for some tight shorts, “something’s got to make this look bigger” , as for the ginger, we’ll leave it there.

To add to the fun the MC for this hoot fest was the legendary and very loved ex Welwyn hooker dirt bag and now merit league mediator Foggy. The briefing of the season saw him deliver and old grafters top line; “cheat and I’ll know and you’re off, and this might be an hearing aid but it cost three and half grand and I can hear what you’re thinking”. Neil apologised.

And the pugilists took to the ring. The termites had the 25 v 0 in the bag on the league rules and remained still breathing down the neck of the league leaders. But this was no walk over. High scoring big running low punching. Tabs skipper lifted his fantastic young 9 flyers and dragged around his 3 old Hoe Lane farts and young Alexander who annoyed their mates in Blue.

The early blows put each fighter on his arse, points swinging in favour of both in the early rounds and it remained the same until the last quarter when the termites strength showed through stealing scores out wide. Try of the day was from my Termites MoM Luke Roe powering over from 70 yards. The other MoM goes to the oppo skipper Jack who kept his dwindling battlers battling throughout leading to mental score line and a proper test for Olly termites before the semi final this week.

The termites are hard to play against. And that’s why we are where we are. Hard fast and low, if you volunteer to play against them wear a cricket box and get the ref to check their fingernails after the studs. And if Tabard turn up with a full 15 get a goalkeeper.

Big few weeks coming up men, be available.

Gerhard, Steve, groves, Mayes, roe, Bingham, Walpole, roberts, preece, Seabrook, Hawthorne, Bishop, brewer, mactametawmey, billy, and the splitters, Chippy, Neil, mad and Alexander

Att 21